my new soul

SADDEST BIRTHDAY.

Sunday, October 26, 2008, 4:03 AM

miss me?

Happy Birthday to me ;] Its my 19th year and I SHOULD BE HAPPY.

I exactly don't know whats going on with my life right now. Sobrang confuse ako sa lahat. Hindi ko malabas ung feelings ko sa iba. But hey? this is my breather! right? So I'm gonna spoil my newest post!

First, this day was like not so normal. xe ang alam kong normal day ay when I get to wake up, my text na from him saying " Good morning honcohh! Happy Birthday! Mahal na mahal kita. ..." and talagang ung time sent ay exactly 12:00 am. But now.. ni ha?ni ho? WALA.alam ko hindi dpat ako mbigla xe

Second,FYI Shella. 6days na xang ganyan sayo at 6 days mo na xang hindi mahagilap! I really cant tell where he is cos he's really acting weird these past few days. He's not saying I love you anymore, he doesn't care what you do or where are you going. Sobrang nasasaktan na talaga ko sa kanya!

Third, Sobrang hirap tong napapagdaanan ko KUNG ALAM MO LANG! Hindi man lang ako makapag saya sa birthday koh. Pano ko magiging masaya? Kulang na kulang.

Forth, I cant eat.Sobrang wala kong gana, yesterday hindi talaga ko nkakain ng breakfast,lunch and dinner. A glass of water lang,solve na solve na ung tiyan ko! Parang my mind and heart is focused on him na nakalimutan na ng tummy ko i-send ang message sa brain ko na "Hoy!Shella.kumain ka naman!"

Magtetext xa sometimes mga around 7pm,sobrang galit and masungit pa. Tpos bigla na lang hindi magrereply. Ang weird! ang daming problem!

but you know what? The real problem is..

I dont know whose with him right now, pinagpalit nia na ba talaga ko? cos he's saying nung last convo namin na he's in Pangasinan. Tpos he's said "I want to be alone ok?" "I want to find myself muna!" and I asked him "My dapat ba akong malaman? then he said "wla,wala knmang dpat malaman e," and poof! hindi na xa nagreply.

Hell what? Anung klaseng lalaki ka na hindi mo maamin sa kin na may iba ka na? Alam ko, nafifeel ko talaga na my other girl. I really can't tell kasi I'm here and ur there, wherever in hell you are!

And ye,SUPER NANGUNGULIT na ko sa mga friends and classmates nia kung alam ba nila kung nasan xa. None, none of them knows where he is DAW. I even gone to his house yesterday na baka alam naman nila kung nasan xa.and wala, walang new info akong nalaman.

Lastly,Alam ko na pagbalik nia, malalaman ko na lahat,lahat lahat. And ineexpect ko talaga na Masasaktan talaga ko ng SOBRA SOBRA sa mga malalaman ko. 3 yrs plus na kami, kea Its really hard thinking na he doesn't love you anymore. The feeling is gone.Andaming what if's.

Alam ko Normal lang tong nangyayare sa tao, seeing them parang madali lang para sa kanila! Pero NO! Parang feeling ko 50-50 na nga ung kondixon ng buhay ko, tntry pa talagang patayin na ko ng maaga. HIRAP! Sobrang hirap! Arghhhh!

ngaun, I'm HOPELESS. but then,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!